What have I become, my sweetest friend

So, another year older and, I hope, another year wiser. I certainly seem to have learnt quite a bit about myself in the last year. I realise, for instance, how readily I now speak to complete strangers, although having Jez helps. But I am not a conversationalist by any means. I will chat to anyone, but put me in a room with a group of people and I never know what to say. And one to one with people I know I’m just hopeless. Odd that.

I find I am much more patient than I ever thought I could be. Jez has shown me that.

I have discovered I don’t need to be better than anyone else or have flash things to show that I’ve had at least some element of success in my life. I am much happier living a fairly simple life.

But I’ve come full circle. And the person I became when I first joined B’net has gone, and I’m back to my boring old self. I always hoped that person that I tried to become was really me, but in reality I think it was just the person who I hoped I was. Everyone is hoping that one day Bowie will once again tour. Everyone but me. I’m happy with his apparent retirement. It means I don’t have to suffer all sorts of angst when I don’t go to see him. And I really don’t think I would go. I don’t think I could bring myself to do that again.

I’ve become very insular again. I can rarely bring myself to travel outside of the immediate vicinity. Even the 10 miles into Bournemouth seems too far and too much trouble most of the time. And this from someone who used to commute to Edinburgh each week!

And I am quite alone. I have very few people now that I can call ‘friend’ – although oddly I have absolutely loads of friends on Facebook. Odd that, isn’t it? But I don’t have anyone I am close to or can talk to. It does get to me every now and then, but on the whole doesn’t bother me like it used to. Anyway, that explains my choise of lyric for the title:

“What have I become
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know goes away
In the end”

I’m sure reading this is sounds self-pitying. But it’s not supposed to. I don’t feel that way. I just wanted to explain what has happened to me.

So, on with the general update.

We’ve had more snow and ice here, but nowhere near as much as most other parts of the country. More is forecast this week though, which worries me as I’m due to take Jez back to Devizes for a check-up and I have to travel across Salisbury plain, which is really exposed. The snow was supposed to be really bad across the plain last week. So I think I’ll phone them tomorrow and see if I can put it back a week. Jez still limps quite a bit, but is getting much better (well, was until the cold snap). She’s certainly so much better than before her operation and so we’re building up her walks again.

The snow meant that my cousin and her husband couldn’t get down here for my birthday, which was really disappointing. I was so looking forward to seeing them. Plus there was a bonus in that Paul was going to replace the broken shower pump. I had Dad and Pat over to lunch today though. Dad was playing with my Nintendo DS and we were both trying to work out Flight Simulator – and crashing!

I’ve also been editing some of my Kenya videos again. I’m really pleased with the results, but unfortunately can’t share them as they are much too large for any of the video sharing sites. In the middle of it all my laptop and some of the Adobe software I’m using has been playing up, so I’ve wasted hours on that. The laptop is still not right – which is not helped by the fact that the Power Management system seems buggered. I’ve taken the battery out at the moment as it prevents the problem occurring.

Oh well, I think that’s about it. I find it hard to believe I’m now 52 though.