I know, I know, I haven’t written for ages. It’s not that I don’t have the time either – I seem to spend hours either on Twitter or playing computer games (those silly little puzzle ones). But I still think its also a measure of how far I have come, in that I don’t feel the need to write on here anymore. Things may not be perfect in my life, but they are a damned sight better than they were.
I realised very recently thought that I can still get upset by internet communications. I can easily take things personally when they are not directed at me, and it’s easy to mis-interpret what others say. And then I get all upset, and over what. Most probably something (if it’s anything at all and not my imagination) that has nothing to do with me. And part of it is that the internet lulls you into a feeling that you know someone, when in fact you don’t know them at all. And that really doesn’t help.
But enough of that. The reason I decided to write today was a feeling I have last night. I believe I am coming to the point where I have finally left work, and all the upset it caused me, behind. I still don’t like to think about it too much, but it definitely feels like it’s firmly in the past. Which is good, as perhaps soon I will be ready to move on. I have been thinking about volunteering to help with a local dog rescue charity. And it was thinking about that, and the skills that I may have to offer them, that led to the surprise feeling about the matter that I had last night. Thinking about what I used to do, the positions I held and my level of seniority I found that I couldn’t believe it was the same person as me. I found myself asking ‘How did I manage that? I am just not that good at anything.’ (And I’m not trying to put myself down here, just stating what I see to be the facts.) I had to question whether I had just managed to rise to the level of my own incompetence (like many others I came across). Certainly for a while in Edinburgh it seemed that I was totally incompetent. But so many times when I worked with people whom I valued, many in very senior positions in what is a very large banking & insurance group, they valued my skills and abilities and trusted my opinions. I was known to get things done. But like I say, that seems like a different person – I can’t believe that was me. It is a very strange feeling.
Oh well, moving on. Not a huge amount has been happening. I have re-decorated the kitchen and finally painted all the internal doors. Now I am about to start on the second bedroom (which has entailed first clearing out the 3rd bedroom). Max has settled in really well and has turned into a very nice dog. He’s still a great big dopey lump though! He will be a year old in just over a week. Jez remains the little sweetheart-terror she has always been. She just breaks my heart most days: partly because she is so independent and won’t allow any shows of affection (no hugs), and partly because her left knee is really playing up. She is on new meds, but we have to restrict her walks and she is often very stiff and clearly in pain. She won’t be two until September. All we can do is try and make her life as interesting and comfortable as possible. She and Max get on really well though, and it’s great to see how happy he makes her.
Oh well, better get on. Poop to scoop and a bedroom to clear out.
No comments:
Post a Comment